I remember once i said to a woman who i just met “You and me can have a great affair” as soon as said that she felt uncomfortable and distance herself from me. Now i know why? Its because i myself was uncomfortable saying such a strong statement to a woman i just met. I was using someone else line which at that time was out of sync with my personality or my way of being. That is why memorizing pick up lines or routines that can get only that far. There was a hesitancy in my voice and tone which women are masters at picking.
There are men who can say very strong things to women in first few seconds and still get away with it, while most men might say the same thing and make women feel creepy. What differentiate these few men? These men who can get away with women are most importantly are comfortable with who they are. I know this is a bit abstract phenomenon so let me explain it.
A man since born is added with layers of social conditioning and this carry forwards in his adult life. Sooner or later there are some men reflect and observe working of nature and society at large, he questions the layers that are added on him. Once he realizes how far he is from his true nature he starts working on it. Man’s sexual nature is one such example. We men are taught to repress our sexual nature as it is not in the accepted norms to express our sexuality with a woman we just met. We are also taught something similar about women, that women are less sexual than men and they get offended by sexual advances. Now when a man expresses or makes a sexual innuendo joke with a woman he just met, there is a hesitancy in tonality of his voice. The man wonders “did I say the right thing”, this hesitancy is felt in his voice which clearly communicates to a woman that the man is not being himself.
Once the man starts on a journey to accept himself and be at peace with himself, his comfort level with how he moves through the world increases. His sense of self is what he would like to be rather than what society would like to be. I am not saying he has to go against the society, but in most circumstances this is how it turns out to be. He forgives himself for his mistakes and take strides to better himself and position himself the way he would like to be. As my one of mentor Johnny Soporno puts it ” Be a man who you would love to have as a friend”.
Women crave for men like this as there are very few of this specifically in the modern world as more layers are being added to human being. I think online dating is pushing men away to be upfront with their desires with women, as it is easier to tell a woman on net or text how much you would love to explore her physically but when it comes to say the same in person men flinch. Why? Are you a different man online compare to real life.
Just being on the journey is enough. Trust the process. Forgive yourself .