As written by Dr. Louann Brizendine in her very knowledgeable book The Female Brain, that the female brain is so deeply affected by hormones that their influence can be said to create a woman’s reality.
A woman’s reality could change radically in minutes sometimes because of her hormones.
Hormones certainly affects their arousal state. A woman can be so sensitive at the beginning of the sex session that touching her clitoris can result into pain and after half hour the same woman would like his man at the time to press his tongue hard against the clitoris. As she is more aroused by her hormonal changes during the sex session.
Now imagine the man pressing his tongue hard against the clit at the time when it was not engorged with blood, she would definitely feel uncomfortable and through her body she would communicate that.
But the man being so excited by a naked woman would fail to consider that.
He would press his tongue unknowingly as his brain is hijack by his sexual hormones, a woman certainly would feel trespasse.
And it would imply she was coerced by him.
Which is true in one sense.
But for man it was consensual because she was naked with him by her own choice.
Now here the grey area begins for most men.
Men would shout, if she did not want to go down on her she would not allowed in the first place.
But we men fail to understand it doesn’t work that way with women.
Women are like volume knob and not a turn on or off switch. They need to dealt differently and not project how things work with men also work similarly with women.
Consent in matters of sex with women should not be taken for granted, treat every act differently.
If a woman consented on making out it doesn’t mean she consented on fingering, if she consented on fingering it doesn’t mean she consented on vaginal sex and so on and so forth.
So the golden question is how do you know what is consent?
Consent can be both verbal and non verbal. In a physical act consent ideally is non verbal.
Non verbal consent is difficult to comprehend in the heat of the moment and with our ego it gets more difficult.
This cannot be used as an excused to get away with trespassing a woman’s body.
But we can certainly educate men on functioning of women and how to go about it.
Yes all women are individual by themselves but the principles of consent should be used for all on safer side.
One principle I always advocate for men with women is always go for only when there is OH HELL YES.
Non verbal consent can be best understood by following this principle.
If a woman moves away when a man attempts any physical act, a man should tell her “I feel your discomfort in doing this so I will not do it until you convey to me that you are ok to go ahead.”
In some cases if a woman is shy to verbally tell a man that she is Ok, then give an excuse to her by telling her that she can just touch his shoulder by her hands when she is Ok..